….a note to My Broken self

Wisdom doesn’t come easy, one doesn’t become wise living a happy and comfortable life.

To learn so early what one learns much later in life, one has to fall just as many times, take just as many hits and hit just as many lows, in that short period of time.

And to know how many times we got right back up, well….. I’am standing right in front of you.

Wounds heal, scars don’t, they are not supposed to. They are the only evidence of all the falls and hits we’ve taken.

My scars are deep and I am still broken from the hits we took, but I don’t let them see my scars, I don’t let them see my wounds. I choose what they  see in me, I choose how they see me, it is empowering. Be not alarmed, there is not false pretense, but I choose who deserves my vulnerability.

This body is weak dear one, as for decades we let the fire of rage burn within it. There is no fun in having poor health, if it’s not sympathy or attention you seek, being sick that often is in vain.

Not many get where we are without seeing what we’ve have seen, the only way to get here this quick is to live the pain of more than one life….

I wish I could tell you how much it takes to keep going, while bearing the burden of realization of having lived good 3 decades only to look back and find nothing there, a whole lot of nothingness, only a bunch of liabilities that won’t even let you to find your salvation. Oh how I wish! I could save you from being constantly pulled back from all the progress we’ve have made, just so the selfish desires of having our company are fulfilled. But we shall not surrender.

Blood is weird that way. You can’t be ungrateful for being born and having made it this far but staying in the same room for more than a few hours becomes burdensome and exhausting. If it makes you feel any better, know the difference between them and us? You and I were actually trying to find redemption for all of us. Whilst we found out how the minds of both parties worked. And when one understands that much, one knows there is no black or white there, there is no my way or their way, it’s all grey. There is no way for either of us to be happy, the only way is to make peace with it and be content.

I wish I could give you magic words that helped you make them understand what is necessary, convince them to let go, but I myself am still looking for those words. Since  I find you fallen in this pit from time to time, I want you to remember, we fall so often for we carry the burden of finding redemption for more than just us, however unwise it may seem, we refuse to cease from keeping the promise we made to free us from the debts we have incurred in this life and else. We fall not because we are weak but because our form gets overwhelmed with what our spirit carries so justly.

So, here I am now, unbroken and invincible, waiting for you to find your way to me. I make you strong and you keep me grounded. Together we keep our promises, together we learn no matter how dark it gets, it’s not over until we see the light. So come, find your way back to me, I’ll wait….

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