…. When I wasn’t There, Who Was?

I don’t remember the last time I thanked you,
I knew it was coming so I ran, I hid, I cocooned myself like a turtle in its shell,
I seldom peeked, made appearances, when it felt safe and seemed like all was well,
Never giving it a thought, when I wasn’t there, who was?

See, I don’t remember thanking you,
Oblivious to the truth, unaware, naive, a bare victim of my lies,
Wondering whose reflection, I see, in that mirror instead of me,
What beauty do I seek, how loving can I be, if I can’t even see myself with my own eyes?
with all that wonder and questions I am still not giving it a thought, to when I wasn’t there, who was?

I don’t remember ever thanking you,
When decades pass me by, holding a shallow bag of memories I sigh,
Where did they go? Who remembers my fair? my scars tell me I was there,
Finally asking the right question, when I wasn’t there, who was?

Here’s why I don’t remember the last time I thanked you,
You took my beating, you lived my suffering,
You caught everything ugly they threw at me,
Tormented and tried, with every tear of mine you cried,
You stood there, you stood strong and stable with everything that you are able, by the door to my cocoon, you stood there,
So, the door doesn’t unseal and even the slightest touch of your suffering I don’t feel, you stood there,
While I was so busy avoiding you, taking credit for everything you do,
Hiding behind the lame excuses and pity parties, cleverly blaming the world my injuries, on a pile of medical bills, I was too busy avoiding you,
Now I remember, all of it, it comes to me and I remember, I never really thanked you!
So today with all my might, alive and shining bright, thanks to your victorious fight, what I really want to say is Thank You!
Thanks to your ceaseless will, I am the freedom I feel.
And I so wish I had said it earlier but here I say again, Thank you!


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