Ch 3: At the Deep -end of my spiral

It wasn’t until I started coming out of depression, that I realized how deep I was in it. All those years I kept hitting a new rock – bottom every time I thought lost control of the situation. Although in all honesty I never really had true control over anything. There came a time period where I believed there was no other direction for me than downwards, and to my surprise one morning I woke up to a very random yet not so random realization, a realization that shook the very foundation of my mental illnesses. It was like a stern whisper in my ear in that sweet state where a person is coming out of their sleep but not completely awake, that’s when I heard my own voice whispering to me that there is no direction in the vastness of space, every direction is relative to everything around it and perception is the only due North. It was that moment, that lead to my ascension.

That was the day something inside me made a decision. A decision I should’ve made long ago but nevertheless making now. I will not die a death that isn’t mine, I will not let this Anxiety tell me who I am?, I will not ask depression how long it plans to stay with me? I will find my due North not matter what, no matter when. That was the day I decided, no matter how many battles Anxiety and depression win, I will win this WAR!

That is what I found at the deep – end of my spiral.

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